Medical Quotes

The great secret of doctors, known only to their wives, but still hidden from the public, is that most things get better by themselves most things, in fact, are better in the morning.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Time is generally the best doctor.

As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of…

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.

Whenever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm.

Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.

Three-quarters of the sicknesses of intelligent people come from their intelligence. They need at least a doctor who can understand this sickness.

Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only pain we obey.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.

Doctors are just the same as lawyers the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

They certainly give very strange names to diseases.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.